When school is not working for your child, it can be hard to know what you are looking at.

Maybe your child cries every morning. Maybe they melt down after school. Maybe they are getting sent home again and again. Maybe they are refusing to go, sleeping all afternoon, hiding in the bathroom, saying they hate school, tummy aches all the time, or coming home furious, silent, or shut down.

You may wonder:

• Is my child just not ready?
• Is the teacher frustrated with them?
• Is my child choosing not to try?
• Is this anxiety, behaviour, bullying, burnout, or something else?
• Is the school doing its best?
• Am I asking too much?
• Should I pull them out?
• Should we try online learning, private school, homeschool, or reduced hours?

These are real questions. Families often start here, long before they have words like “access,” “accommodation,” “discrimination,” or “informal exclusion.”

This page is a starting point.

Start with what is happening

Try to describe what you are seeing in plain language.

For example:

• My child cries before school.
• My child is being picked up early several times a week.
• My child is coming home exhausted and unable to function.
• My child says the teacher does not like them.
• My child says school is too loud, too hard, too confusing, or too scary.
• My child is hiding, leaving class, refusing work, or getting in trouble.
• My child is having meltdowns or shutdowns.
• My child is missing learning because they are in the hallway, office, resource room, or at home.
• The school says my child is “not ready” for full days.
• Staff have suggested going back to gradual entry.
• The school keeps calling me to pick my child up.
• The teacher says my child is fine, but my child falls apart at home.
• The school says it is a behaviour issue, but I think my child is overwhelmed.
• I keep getting reassurance, but nothing is changing.

You do not need to know the full explanation before you start asking for support. You can begin with the pattern.

Translate “school is not working” into access language

When school is not working, the key question is:

What is getting in the way of my child’s access to school?

Access does not only mean being physically present in the building.

Meaningful access can include:

• being able to attend safely;
• being able to stay for the school day;
• being able to learn;
• being able to communicate needs;
• being included with peers;
• being supported through transitions;
• being protected from bullying or humiliation;
• being able to participate without constant distress;
• being able to recover without shame or punishment;
• having accommodations actually provided;
• being treated as a student who belongs.

A child can be “at school” and still lack meaningful access.

A child can be “fine in class” and still be using all their capacity to mask.

A child can be “choosing not to work” and actually be stuck behind an unmet need, unclear instruction, anxiety, sensory overload, executive functioning difficulty, trauma, or a task that has not been made accessible.

Your child is a rights-holder

Your child does not have to earn access by coping perfectly.

Disabled children, neurodivergent children, children with mental health needs, children with medical needs, children affected by trauma, and children whose needs are still being assessed may all be entitled to support and accommodation.

A formal diagnosis can help, but it is not always required before a school has to respond. If the school knows, or should know, that your child may have disability-related needs affecting school access, the school should be asking what support is needed.

The question is not whether your child is trying hard enough to fit the current setting. The question is what needs to change so the setting becomes accessible.

Look for barriers

A barrier is anything that gets in the way of your child’s access, participation, safety, dignity, communication, or learning.

Barriers can include:

• noise, crowds, lighting, smells, or sensory overload;
• unclear instructions;
• too much written output;
• transitions without support;
• bullying or social conflict;
• public correction or humiliation;
• lack of trusted adult support;
• inconsistent routines;
• work that is too hard, too easy, or inaccessible;
• missing assistive technology;
• supports listed in the IEP but not provided;
• staff who do not understand the child’s needs;
• behaviour plans that punish distress;
• safety plans that reduce access;
• reduced hours that never return to full days;
• repeated early pickups;
• lack of communication between home and school.

You can ask the school to help identify the barrier. You do not have to solve it alone.

Ask for support in writing

Start with a short written message.

You can say:

I am concerned that school is not currently working for my child. We are seeing [brief description]. I am concerned there may be barriers affecting their access, safety, participation, or wellbeing. I would like to meet to identify what is getting in the way and what supports or accommodations can be put in place.

You can also ask more directly:

What barriers has the school identified?

What support will be provided now?

How will we know whether the support is helping?

What will happen if my child continues to struggle?

Who is responsible for the next step?

When will we review this?

The goal is to move the conversation from concern to action.

If the school says your child should go back to gradual entry

Sometimes reduced hours, gradual entry, late starts, early pickups, or partial days are presented as support.

Sometimes families choose reduced hours because they are trying to protect a child in crisis. That can be a valid short-term decision.

But reduced access should not become the school’s substitute for accommodation.

If the school suggests reduced hours, ask:

• What barrier is this meant to address?
• What support will be added during the reduced schedule?
• What is the plan to return to full access?
• What is the timeline?
• How will lost learning be addressed?
• What will change so my child can attend more safely?
• Is this being offered as a parent choice, or is the school saying it cannot support my child?

Reduced hours without a plan can become informal exclusion.

If you are getting repeated pickup calls

Repeated pickup calls are a sign that something is not working.

Sometimes a pickup is necessary because a child is in genuine distress or there is an immediate safety concern. But if it is happening again and again, the school needs to identify why.

You can write:

My child has been picked up early on [dates]. I am concerned this pattern is reducing their access to education. Please confirm what barriers have been identified, what supports will be put in place to prevent repeated early pickups, and what the plan is for maintaining access safely.

Keep a log of every pickup call: date, time, reason given, who called, and how much school was missed.

If you are wondering whether the teacher dislikes your child

Sometimes it may feel personal. Maybe the teacher seems frustrated, dismissive, cold, or quicker to blame your child than others.

You do not need to prove the teacher’s feelings.

Focus on what is happening:

• Is your child being corrected more than supported?
• Are disability-related behaviours being punished?
• Are accommodations being ignored?
• Is your child being removed from class?
• Are parent concerns being dismissed?
• Is the teacher describing the child as the problem without identifying barriers?
• Is your child losing access, confidence, safety, or dignity?

You can raise the concern without making it about whether the teacher likes your child.

Try:

I am concerned that the current approach is not supporting my child’s access or wellbeing. I would like the team to identify the barriers and clarify what support will be provided.

Document the pattern

When school is not working, documentation helps you see whether the issue is isolated or ongoing.

Track:

• missed school days;
• late starts, early pickups, or partial days;
• distress before or after school;
• meltdowns, shutdowns, refusal, panic, or exhaustion;
• incidents at school;
• bullying or peer conflict;
• work refusal or task avoidance;
• what the school says is happening;
• what your child says is happening;
• what support was promised;
• what support was actually provided;
• emails, meeting notes, and phone calls.

You are not documenting because you are trying to be difficult. You are documenting because patterns disappear when they are not written down.

Ask whether an IEP review is needed

If your child already has an IEP, ask whether the plan is working.

You can ask:

• Are the accommodations being provided?
• Are the goals still the right goals?
• Are the goals focused on access, or mostly on compliance?
• What will adults do to support the child?
• How is progress being measured?
• What evidence shows the plan is helping?
• What needs to change now?

If the IEP says support will be provided, but the child is still not accessing school, the plan may need to be reviewed.

Consider all options without blaming yourself

Sometimes families consider options outside regular full-time attendance at the neighbourhood school. This can include:

• distributed learning or online learning;
• a different public school or programme;
• independent or private school;
• homeschooling;
• medical leave or temporary reduced hours;
• a staged return plan;
• hybrid arrangements;
• specialist assessment or therapeutic support.

Families should be allowed to think honestly about what their child needs without being shamed into one ideological answer.

Choosing another option does not mean the school did nothing wrong. Staying and fighting for support does not mean you are ignoring your child’s distress. Reducing hours temporarily does not mean your child has less right to education. Homeschooling or online learning may be a protective choice for some families, and a coerced exit for others.

The key question is whether the option is truly chosen, supported, and in the child’s interests — or whether the family is being pushed out because the school has not provided access.

If you choose reduced hours or another setting

Ask for the arrangement to be clear and written.

For reduced hours, ask:

• Is this temporary?
• What is the reason?
• What support will be added?
• What is the return-to-full-access plan?
• How often will it be reviewed?
• How will lost instruction be addressed?
• Who is responsible?

For online learning, private school, or homeschool, consider:

• Is this what your child needs, or what the school is making feel necessary?
• What learning, social connection, and support will your child have?
• What happens if you want to return?
• Will the district still be involved?
• Are you taking on unpaid labour because the school did not accommodate?
• What documentation do you need to preserve?

There is no one right answer for every family. But you should not be pressured into giving up access without understanding your options.

When to escalate

It may be time to escalate if:

• your child is missing school;
• the school keeps calling for pickup;
• your child’s wellbeing is deteriorating;
• the same concern keeps recurring;
• the school does not respond in writing;
• the plan is vague;
• the school suggests reduced hours without a return plan;
• accommodations are not happening;
• the IEP is not being followed;
• staff keep describing behaviour without identifying barriers;
• meetings continue but nothing changes;
• you are being asked to wait while your child loses access.

Escalation does not mean you are refusing to work with the school. It means the current process is not solving the problem.

A simple first email

Subject: Concern about access and support

Dear [name],

I am writing because school is not currently working for [child’s name].

We are seeing [briefly describe what is happening: distress before school, repeated pickups, refusal, shutdowns, meltdowns, missed learning, exhaustion after school, behaviour incidents, or reduced attendance].

I am concerned that there may be barriers affecting [child’s name]’s access, safety, participation, or wellbeing at school.

Please confirm:

1. what barriers the school has identified;
2. what supports or accommodations are being provided now;
3. what will change if the current approach is not working;
4. who is responsible for the next steps; and
5. when we will review whether access has improved.

Please respond by [date].

Sincerely,
[name]

What to read next

If your child is being sent home, put on reduced hours, excluded from class, or pressured to stay home, read What to do if your child is being excluded.

If supports are written in an IEP but are not happening, read The school is ignoring my child’s IEP.

If the school keeps meeting, delaying, reassuring, or asking for more time while nothing changes, read Delay and denial tactics: keeping the focus on barriers.

If you need to decide whether to escalate, read What complaints are and when to use them.

If you are exhausted from trying to keep the process going, read You might be trying too hard.

Bottom line

When school is not working, you do not need to know the perfect legal words before asking for help.

Start with what you are seeing. Name the impact on your child. Ask what barrier is getting in the way. Ask what adults will do. Ask when it will be reviewed. Put it in writing.

Your child is not just a problem to be managed.

Your child is a student with a right to access, support, safety, dignity, participation, and belonging.