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Designed to exhaust describes systems or processes that place such heavy and sustained demands on families that many eventually stop pursuing solutions. These demands may include repeated meetings, extensive documentation, complex procedures, long delays, or constantly shifting requirements. While each step may appear reasonable on its own, the cumulative effect can be overwhelming. In education advocacy, this often means that families must invest significant time, emotional energy, and organisational effort simply to maintain a conversation about their child’s needs. When meaningful decisions are repeatedly postponed or progress depends on persistent follow-up, the process can gradually wear people down. This dynamic can produce attrition: families disengage not because their concerns were resolved, but because continuing to advocate becomes unsustainable alongside work, caregiving, and other responsibilities. Recognising when systems are effectively designed to exhaust helps shift attention away from judging individual persistence and toward examining structural barriers. Equitable systems minimise unnecessary procedural burden and ensure that access to supports does not depend on a family’s ability to endure prolonged advocacy.

This page addresses the patterns of institutional behaviour that compound the original harm — gaslighting, information withheld, goalpost shifting, advocacy punished as aggression, and tone policing — and the complaint pathways available when the system’s response to your concern becomes a…